SCIENCE CLASS: Being the Tallest Girl in the Room is Worse Than Puberty

You see her there, standing all alone, always alone, singled out amongst peers as if by God herself, doomed to the hunched shoulders of perpetual leaning-in to hear what's being said. I speak, of course, of the tallest girl in the room.

Now right off the bat it should be noted that Karla has often faced this problem, and that Jilly, barring times when she's lending out her old clothes that are just too big for her to her model friends, or attending her weekly WNBA brunch, faces it multiple times daily. Yes, we're statuesque, Literally head and shoulders above everyone around us. And yes, this, a problem we have faced since well before puberty, and which compounded its trials, is indeed worse than that time period, and unique amongst the tragedies we will list for you, in that it lasts much longer than puberty itself.

I'm sure all you petite princesses out there are griping and writhing right about now with a "what I wouldn't give for a few of your inches! You're just lucky!" Or maybe channeling all your hours of Oprah and Cosmo into a well-meant "own it, girl!"

Now answer me this, my miniature mademoiselle – have you ever had a problem finding pants that manage to make it over the whole length of your leg? Or the whole length of your groin? Have you ever had to shop almost exclusively in the Keds and Clarks sections of the shoe department, wistfully gazing at all the prettier cousins traipsing along in sassy colors on their cute, pointed little toes, because even seriously considering shoes like those stretches your already freakishly tall body another few inches skyward? Have you ever had to seriously consider by how much you outweigh the boy you're kissing…every time you kiss a boy? (living on the East coast as both of us do, being the tallest girl in the room and being the tallest person in the room, or on the block, are often one and the same thing)

No. You're cute, little, pick-uppable. You fit into sizes intended for women (Karla and I do, too, but only because we've always been cursed with waifishly thin figures that allow us to use the extra fabric we take in from the hips and waists of our size 2s to lengthen the garments as needed). You don't risk being captured and held as a circus oddity on your next trip to Asia. You don't scrape your head on doorframes and low ceilings because of your excess of "gracefulness." Only the tallest girl in the room manages that.

Now we are willing to concede that the breakout-causing horror of this applies to the other end of the spectrum – the "never makes it into a bar because she's so short" girl – as well. Of course the tragedy is greater for the gargantuan gal – wee little things can always throw on a pair of hooker heels and blend into the low end of the crowd. But we're showing our excessively generous natures, here, so we'll just say we sympathize with you little ladies equally. Hopefully you can hear us – sound tends to get distorted when it's forced to travel over such great distances.

Posted by Jilly