Ba-dup, BA-DUP BA-DUP!! It's a beautiful series of three sounds, but sometimes, when you're actually home during America's Next Top Model, or when you heard that Steve Julius was totally one of this season's contestants on The Bachelorette, and the first episode is airing tonight, you just can't wait to watch the Tivoed version, and so you're forced, with a morose "MMMMMMP," to sit through commercials.
This in no way describes my life.
You try to zone out, maybe pick up the "serious" book that you keep meaning to read, and tell all your friends about, and put in a few solid sentences-worth of effort, but then, without warning, you're assaulted by it. The upbeat, this-room-is-being-pumped-full-of-oxygen demonstrators, the "real-life" interviews with someone believably middle-aged and permed, the synthesizers backing up every one-handed chop, each pony-tail into a topsy-tail…
That's right, you've wandered into infomercial territory.
There's no way to protect yourself from it – shows ranging from Tyra to Adult Swim to the 3000 incarnations of Law & Order (new this season: tax evasion team!) all stuff their tasty puff-pastries of programs with these bizarre, yet tantalizing fillings.
And they always seem so good on-screen. Why, it is chilly, and I do like using my hands while I sit on things – time for a Snuggie! I never realized how many surfaces I can cut through with that strong yet delicate-enough-to-not-f-up-this-tomato-skin Deli-Pro knife set! I can save time and money by becoming my own barber with the squeeze-lever action of Perfect Cut, they're right, oh god, they're right!
Suffice it to say that I now own depilatory cream, guaranteed to take off even under-the-skin hairs, but which only functions, to my knowledge, as fart-scented perfume for the leg and personal regions, a set of Sham-WOW!s that we accidentally threw in the dryer, turning them into felted mats, and multiple bottles of "mighty mend it" which works about as well as a bottle of Elmer's in saving me from sewing those hard-to-reach-seams.
But I know the Floam that's coming is going to give me and my friends endless hours of fun, I just know it!
-Posted by Jilly
Sunday, March 8, 2009
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This man's headset and friendly nature make him hard to resist. I must have 8 of these.
ReplyDeleteI also feel this way everytime I watch Cindy Crawford's Meaningful Beauty infomercial. It makes me want wrinkles just so I can watch them disappear.
Alright, alright...I get it already.
ReplyDeleteIt was a lame Valentine's Day present. Sheesh.
Now, don't you have some Mighty Gemming to do or something?
Hey, it was a GREAT present. I wanted it too much to breathe. The problem is my judgment...
ReplyDelete