Getting a haircut is always risky - it could be amazing, bring you one step closer to your dream of looking like Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly's hottest lovechild, or...it could end up like that time you got "The Rachel" when you were 11, but somehow wound up looking a lot more like 80s Tina Turner.
But that risk is part of the reward; when it pays off big, not only do you look good, you feel as though you've pulled a fast one on fate. Haha, fate, you may have beaten me in the career success, love, figure, face, and friends departments, but I have bested you in hair!
And then it's suddenly 4 weeks later, and fate has won once again.
Yes, there is the option of just repeating your earlier triumph, but some of the glory ebbs away when your instructions aren't based on a fuzzy cell-phone photo you took of a picture on your obsolete computer, but on repeating something that's already been done.
Still, it could be worse. I could ask for a mid-90s Gwyneth...synonymous, on my head, with "Dennis the Menace's bowl-cut."
-Posted by Jilly
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
SCIENCE: Ear Infections are Worse than Puberty
Yes, I have one. Actually, two, but one that hurts a lot more than the other.
Yes, I'm 25 years old.
Somehow, though, the infections refuse to acknowledge this fact, refuse to see that at some point, they're supposed to move on to younger, even smaller ear passages, to temporarily deafen smaller, more impressionable young ears.
Sigh. The only abnormally small thing on my Amazonian body and it's a.) not visible to normal people b.) only could for causing me pain.
-Posted by Jilly
Yes, I'm 25 years old.
Somehow, though, the infections refuse to acknowledge this fact, refuse to see that at some point, they're supposed to move on to younger, even smaller ear passages, to temporarily deafen smaller, more impressionable young ears.
Sigh. The only abnormally small thing on my Amazonian body and it's a.) not visible to normal people b.) only could for causing me pain.
-Posted by Jilly
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
EXTRACURRICULARS: Disapproval Via the Lack of a Compliment is Worse than Puberty
Drastic changes to one's appearance are always a bit nerve-wracking. Not that whatever you had going before was necessarily great, but once you chop off or dye all your hair, give in and start wearing rompers, or admit your need for podiatrist-approved footwear options, you want a little hollow reassurance, a "hey, not only is this not so bad, it's better, promise."
This comes up most often in relation to the drastic hair change. The conversation goes something like this:
Person: [Staring at your incredibly obvious, 10+ inches off the sides new-do] Did you get a hair cut?
You: Yeah, I did. Felt it was time for a change.
Person: That's nice. By the way, what's this dip recipe?
You see the problem - "Person" is supposed to come in with a compliment there, not a request. In fact, the "I love your new haircut!" conversation followed by a whispered "ugh, it looks AWFUL" to another "friend" is so common as to be a given - liking or not liking your haircut is not a prerequisite for TELLING you that I like it. Just the opposite. Knowing you got a haircut is, theoretically, to "like" your new haircut, at least in public. This is so well-established that Seventeen magazine never even had to tell me it was something I was supposed to do.
Which is why when you DON'T get the automatic-appearance-change-compliment it's such a slap in the face.
By the way, I noticed that you have a "face-slap" red handprint on your cheek there - is that new? I totally LOVE it!
-Posted by Jilly
This comes up most often in relation to the drastic hair change. The conversation goes something like this:
Person: [Staring at your incredibly obvious, 10+ inches off the sides new-do] Did you get a hair cut?
You: Yeah, I did. Felt it was time for a change.
Person: That's nice. By the way, what's this dip recipe?
You see the problem - "Person" is supposed to come in with a compliment there, not a request. In fact, the "I love your new haircut!" conversation followed by a whispered "ugh, it looks AWFUL" to another "friend" is so common as to be a given - liking or not liking your haircut is not a prerequisite for TELLING you that I like it. Just the opposite. Knowing you got a haircut is, theoretically, to "like" your new haircut, at least in public. This is so well-established that Seventeen magazine never even had to tell me it was something I was supposed to do.
Which is why when you DON'T get the automatic-appearance-change-compliment it's such a slap in the face.
By the way, I noticed that you have a "face-slap" red handprint on your cheek there - is that new? I totally LOVE it!
-Posted by Jilly
Friday, July 9, 2010
DEBATE TEAM: Are these things worse than puberty?
1.) Searching the free craigslist ads for necessary furniture.
2.) Searching craigslist ads for anything.
3.) When your friends on facebook post ads looking for babysitters for their kids and offering to pay double what you currently earn to spend a week with them in the Hamptons. I mean, is this what life has come to?
4.) Seriously considering quitting your job and becoming a professional nanny because you know they have more earning potential than you currently do.
5.) Having to think about things like your earning potential because you are now a responsible adult and not married to an sick but generous, old, rich man.
2.) Searching craigslist ads for anything.
3.) When your friends on facebook post ads looking for babysitters for their kids and offering to pay double what you currently earn to spend a week with them in the Hamptons. I mean, is this what life has come to?
4.) Seriously considering quitting your job and becoming a professional nanny because you know they have more earning potential than you currently do.
5.) Having to think about things like your earning potential because you are now a responsible adult and not married to an sick but generous, old, rich man.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
HOME EC/SHOP: Holes in the Heels of your Socks are Worse than Puberty
You know that horrible feeling where you're certain that, despite being in your home, and thus stocking-footed, you've stepped in something horrible?
That sticky, squishy feeling of something digging into your heel?
That sensation of "oh god, one of the cats didn't make it to the litter box, and I don't want to look at the bottom of my foot to confirm this suspicion?"
This is the constant sensation of the heel going through a hole in the sock.
Unfortunately, though, if you're me, you regularly strip off socks right after taking off shoes, thoughtlessly tossing them into your laundry pile to be worn semi-uncomfortably another day. Okay, okay, you strip them off in the middle of the living room once you've realized there's an annoying hole, and then, three days later, you notice those socks in the living room and decide to move them the 50 feet to the laundry pile, forgetting the pressing needs that urged you to leave them there in the first place.
Even worse, of course, is when you DO step on something squishy/sticky/yucky through the hole, but stepping in disgusting things is a whole 'nother gripe.
-Posted by Jilly
That sticky, squishy feeling of something digging into your heel?
That sensation of "oh god, one of the cats didn't make it to the litter box, and I don't want to look at the bottom of my foot to confirm this suspicion?"
This is the constant sensation of the heel going through a hole in the sock.
Unfortunately, though, if you're me, you regularly strip off socks right after taking off shoes, thoughtlessly tossing them into your laundry pile to be worn semi-uncomfortably another day. Okay, okay, you strip them off in the middle of the living room once you've realized there's an annoying hole, and then, three days later, you notice those socks in the living room and decide to move them the 50 feet to the laundry pile, forgetting the pressing needs that urged you to leave them there in the first place.
Even worse, of course, is when you DO step on something squishy/sticky/yucky through the hole, but stepping in disgusting things is a whole 'nother gripe.
-Posted by Jilly
Friday, July 2, 2010
DEBATE TEAM: Are these things worse than puberty?
1.) Planning your life (including your work schedule) around the release date of Twilight movies.
2.) Having a really dreamy guy in your small office who does not acknowledge your existence in any way shape or form, not even for a traditional platonic morning greeting. Does this mean we aren't soul-mates???
3.) Reading a good quote and immediately thinking about how profound you will look when you post it on facebook or as your gchat status.
4.) When your favorite author is actually a blogger who writes about reality TV shows. Richard Lawson from Gawker, holla!!!
5.) Getting star-struck talking on the phone with a beautician whose videos you've watched on youtube.
6.) When the friend you're talking to has bad breath.
7.) Realizing, too late, that YOU were the bad-breath friend
8.) When the back of your legs stick to and/or sweat on plastic or leather chairs
9.) Actually considering arch support.
10.) Being told you're "too old" for the Chuckie Cheese.
2.) Having a really dreamy guy in your small office who does not acknowledge your existence in any way shape or form, not even for a traditional platonic morning greeting. Does this mean we aren't soul-mates???
3.) Reading a good quote and immediately thinking about how profound you will look when you post it on facebook or as your gchat status.
4.) When your favorite author is actually a blogger who writes about reality TV shows. Richard Lawson from Gawker, holla!!!
5.) Getting star-struck talking on the phone with a beautician whose videos you've watched on youtube.
6.) When the friend you're talking to has bad breath.
7.) Realizing, too late, that YOU were the bad-breath friend
8.) When the back of your legs stick to and/or sweat on plastic or leather chairs
9.) Actually considering arch support.
10.) Being told you're "too old" for the Chuckie Cheese.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
MATH: The high price of having fun is Worse than Puberty
I have some plans coming up this week. They include dinner with a friend, drinks with another, providing barbecuable foods for the 3rd (on the fourth) and possibly going to the grown-up arcade on the fifth (of July).
All of these things, to varying degrees, none of them totally ignorable, cost money.
I seem to remember as a kid NOT having money and still having fun. When did that change? When did all entertainment begin to involve expense?
Seriously, what are other options? Hanging out with friends at home? You'll probably provide beverages, cook a meal, or, more likely, do both - costs money. Throw a party? Money. Go bowling? Money. Just drive around? Money.
Even the things I can remember as activities from when I was younger have now become expensive - things like sports (DAMN tennis isn't as cost-free as I hoped) and games (seriously, $20 for Jenga?) and just hanging out at the gas station like hoodlums (I feel compelled to purchase something now, so they know I mean well).
No wonder they call them sugar daddies - I need a parent to pay me some allowance, stat.
-Posted by Jilly
All of these things, to varying degrees, none of them totally ignorable, cost money.
I seem to remember as a kid NOT having money and still having fun. When did that change? When did all entertainment begin to involve expense?
Seriously, what are other options? Hanging out with friends at home? You'll probably provide beverages, cook a meal, or, more likely, do both - costs money. Throw a party? Money. Go bowling? Money. Just drive around? Money.
Even the things I can remember as activities from when I was younger have now become expensive - things like sports (DAMN tennis isn't as cost-free as I hoped) and games (seriously, $20 for Jenga?) and just hanging out at the gas station like hoodlums (I feel compelled to purchase something now, so they know I mean well).
No wonder they call them sugar daddies - I need a parent to pay me some allowance, stat.
-Posted by Jilly
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
SCIENCE: Humidity is Worse than Puberty
How many times have you heard this one:
"It's not the heat that gets me, it's the humidity."
If you live on the east coast, in large swathes of the midwest, anywhere in the southeast, in fact, pretty much anywhere at all besides the southwest, I'd wager it's...at least once, every uncomfortable summer day, ever.
While it may be a statement about as interesting and thought-provoking as "sometimes I think kids these days just grow up too fast," it has a basis in fact. Fact is, nothing sucks more than a truly humid day.
Even if it's only a balmy 70 degrees outside, high humidity ensures that by the time you make it in the door of your work, or the grocery store, or the bathroom when you shuffle out of bed, you'll be "glowing" like a pig. Hairstyling is a futile effort (but one which we can't seem to resist, anyway, making it all the more hurtful when it inevitably withers), clothing selection actually requires thought, and footwear can be a previously unimagined nightmare.
Seriously, how do toes suddenly rub together to the blistering point in shoes you've worn comfortably for months? How can a foot possibly swell this much overnight? How come flip-flops aren't just generally accepted as business-casual?
I'm not an ardent environmentalist, but I do maintain a paper-towel-free household full of unplugged appliances.
I've been running the AC every day this week, the entire time I'm home.
Ah, humidity, you cruel harpy
-Posted by Jilly
"It's not the heat that gets me, it's the humidity."
If you live on the east coast, in large swathes of the midwest, anywhere in the southeast, in fact, pretty much anywhere at all besides the southwest, I'd wager it's...at least once, every uncomfortable summer day, ever.
While it may be a statement about as interesting and thought-provoking as "sometimes I think kids these days just grow up too fast," it has a basis in fact. Fact is, nothing sucks more than a truly humid day.
Even if it's only a balmy 70 degrees outside, high humidity ensures that by the time you make it in the door of your work, or the grocery store, or the bathroom when you shuffle out of bed, you'll be "glowing" like a pig. Hairstyling is a futile effort (but one which we can't seem to resist, anyway, making it all the more hurtful when it inevitably withers), clothing selection actually requires thought, and footwear can be a previously unimagined nightmare.
Seriously, how do toes suddenly rub together to the blistering point in shoes you've worn comfortably for months? How can a foot possibly swell this much overnight? How come flip-flops aren't just generally accepted as business-casual?
I'm not an ardent environmentalist, but I do maintain a paper-towel-free household full of unplugged appliances.
I've been running the AC every day this week, the entire time I'm home.
Ah, humidity, you cruel harpy
-Posted by Jilly
Friday, June 25, 2010
DEBATE TEAM: Are these things worse than puberty?
1). When, despite your expensive college degree, your job consists of running errands for the office secretaries, effectively ranking you lower than an unpaid intern.
2.) Being 25 and getting jealous of the interns your friends manage who make $15 an hour watching movies all day.
3.) Looking into buying a monokini for the summer because, at the age of 25, your body is too old and gross to really be exposing all that much skin in public.
4.) Sending an email to all your friends in a certain city telling them you'll be in town and you're excited to see them, only to get no replies.
5.) Thinking that "everytime" is a legitimate English word on the grounds that it was in a title of a Britney Spears song.
6.) People who need glasses and refuse to wear them
7.) Hipsters' insistence on glasses that make them hideous. I speak of the granny-glasses.
8.) When large girls where very, VERY short skirts.
9.) Morning breath
10.) That all healthy diets cut out all the best foods.
2.) Being 25 and getting jealous of the interns your friends manage who make $15 an hour watching movies all day.
3.) Looking into buying a monokini for the summer because, at the age of 25, your body is too old and gross to really be exposing all that much skin in public.
4.) Sending an email to all your friends in a certain city telling them you'll be in town and you're excited to see them, only to get no replies.
5.) Thinking that "everytime" is a legitimate English word on the grounds that it was in a title of a Britney Spears song.
6.) People who need glasses and refuse to wear them
7.) Hipsters' insistence on glasses that make them hideous. I speak of the granny-glasses.
8.) When large girls where very, VERY short skirts.
9.) Morning breath
10.) That all healthy diets cut out all the best foods.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
SCIENCE: The Red Wine Lips are Worse than Puberty
It's no secret that I'm a fan of red wine. I don't keep it at home much, because I tend to accidentally turn the majority of most bottles into vinegar on the top of my fridge, something which is even more maddening than food-waste, since it's wine, but at a meal out, or a friend's party, it's my go-to beverage.
The problem with this decision becomes more obvious the more I go-to. It's the wine-lips.
You know what I'm talking about, that purpley-dark tinge around the inside of your lips and the tips of your teeth, not only screaming "lush over here," but simultaneously ugly in and of itself. You can discreetly wipe, or scrape, your mouth, you can try to contort your face in ways you're certain will keep the wine on a direct path towards your throat, no lip or tooth contact involved, but it doesn't matter - it will show up.
The biggest problem, at least for me, is that the wine-lips tend to settle in right around the start of a second glass. While I probably don't need 2 glasses, it's not exactly mega-lush territory, yet, and at a cookout or house party, it's likely to happen.
Meaning that at many of these events, I look combo-hideous, both vampyric and over-indulgent, even if I'm the most sober person in the room.
If only I liked beer.
-Posted by Jilly
The problem with this decision becomes more obvious the more I go-to. It's the wine-lips.
You know what I'm talking about, that purpley-dark tinge around the inside of your lips and the tips of your teeth, not only screaming "lush over here," but simultaneously ugly in and of itself. You can discreetly wipe, or scrape, your mouth, you can try to contort your face in ways you're certain will keep the wine on a direct path towards your throat, no lip or tooth contact involved, but it doesn't matter - it will show up.
The biggest problem, at least for me, is that the wine-lips tend to settle in right around the start of a second glass. While I probably don't need 2 glasses, it's not exactly mega-lush territory, yet, and at a cookout or house party, it's likely to happen.
Meaning that at many of these events, I look combo-hideous, both vampyric and over-indulgent, even if I'm the most sober person in the room.
If only I liked beer.
-Posted by Jilly
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