MATH: Crappy Tippers are Worse than Puberty

I am NEVER against a free meal. Before we start here, I just want everyone to be fully aware of that.

But I do find myself feeling incredibly awkward on occasion, when that free meal is being provided by a crappy tipper.

Now we all know the crappy tipper is a liability at a shared-meal. There, you end up deciding between trying to force blood from a stone or paying to cover what is eminently not your cost of dining out, a situation that results in your biting your tongue forcibly just to ensure you don't accidentally spit out the "well for Christ's sake, if you can't afford to tip appropriately, then don't come out at all - it's not a surprise cost or anything" sneaking around the inside of your mouth.

But the crappy tipper who is paying for your meal is another story entirely. When you're not plunking down your own cash, the need to call someone else's cheapness out disappears; or rather, it morphs into a "well I don't want to be rude, or ungrateful, since that might mean fewer free meals in future!"

Nevertheless, you don't want your good, unbesmirched tipping history associated with this sort of blatantly cheap behavior. What to do?

You can't offer to throw in the few dollars to cover the difference - again with the rudeness slash presumption. The only option is to hope you're alone with the bill before the server gets back, so as to be able to slip a few dollars cash into its neat internal pockets when your partner isn't looking, assuming you carry cash, that is.

Barring that, you just have to smile and smile and be presumed to be a villain.

-Posted by Jilly