According to what we remember from pamphlets geared towards 6th-grade girls, puberty is regarded as one of the most awkward and scary stages in a person’s life. It’s a time of horrifying physical transformations, scary new feelings, and growing interest in activities that you are still not old enough to engage in legally. Common symptoms of puberty include: braces, frizzy hair, baby fat, having a crush on 8th grader Steve Julius, blinding body odor and lame extracurricular interests like the violin or Bedazzling.
However, if personal experience has taught us anything, it's that there are experiences in life far more awkward, scary and pathetic than puberty. Here is a list of things that are:
Let’s just see if your typical trials and tribulations during puberty are worse than the day to day drama of your 20s:
1) Super early curfew makes you feel like the loser in front of your friends?Yeah, try getting laid off because of the recession and then moving having to move back in with your parents.
2) Braces making you shy about smiling? I see what you mean, that sounds a lot harder than making rent and paying back college loans on your $28,000 a year salary.
3) Steve Julius told someone in 3rd period he doesn’t think you looked cute Friday night? The guy giving you attention at the bar probably has pubic lice and you’re desperate enough to go out with him anyway.
4) Zits making you feel insecure? Secret truth: zits last far beyond your puberty years and Proactiv is a sham.
5) Nervous about taking the SATs? Try graduating with a Liberal Arts degree only to find out that no actual employers are impressed with your extensive knowledge of 14th Century Lithuanian poets.
6) Not sure how to deal with social pressure to drink and do drugs? After college your body ages so rapidly and your hangovers get so bad you don’t even have the choice anymore.
7) Can’t get in to see a rated R movie because your not 18 yet? Oh no! I’m so sorry you didn’t get in to see “Tropic Thunder” that one time. At least you aren’t stuck supporting the Baby Boomer generation when the ticking time bomb we call Social Security finally explodes.
8) Totally freaking out about that science test Thursday? There's a different kind of test that some of us get to take that is much more vomit inducing...a couple months after you "pass."
9) Not getting picked when they call "snowball" at your mixer? You can't even begin to understand the indignities of eHarmony.
10) Not sure if the most popular girl/boy in your class will invite you to his/her bar/bat mitzvah? At least "My super sweet 16" isn't your dream...job.
NAME: Jilly
History: It's hard to imagine Jilly suffering the indignities of puberty, as it's hard to imagine her sized appropriately for the affair. Can you picture Andre the Giant's head, or hand, stuffed back inside a womb? I thought not.
Science (Puberty): There are no records of this time in Jilly's life, as all photos showing Jilly from age 10 to 15 burned up in an accidental fire. But she did NOT have braces, pudge, and a fashion sense based on Six from "Blossom," 5 years too late. Nope.
Current Events: Jilly is still in her awkward phase, but has high hopes for 2011
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