SCIENCE: Vegans are Worse than Puberty

Okay, okay. I know. Already incendiary.

But honestly, 92.3% of vegans are worse than puberty. There is that small 7.7% of folks who do it for the right reasons and yet don't feel the need to be self-righteous, judgy, and generally annoying about it. That 7.7% who isn't secretly just using veganism as a socially-accepted form of anorexia. That 7.7% that actually pays attention to details, like the fact that most wines aren't vegan, and that even though certain items of clothing aren't made of leather, the company might be contributing to the very things your veganism is supposedly standing against, and that, despite bothering to know things like this, doesn't feel the need to preach about them to me, and thus isn't annoying.

The rest of the vegans, though, the ones who don't insist on organic everything else and yet have a problem with the fact that, regardless of human involvement, chickens lay on average one egg per day, the ones who eat only raisin bread at every meal just to 'lose weight,' despite clocking in at 120 lbs at 5'11", the ones who act as though any restaurant who doesn't cater to their incredibly hard-to-navigate, limiting, and relatively rare choice is "discriminating..."

...those ones are worse than the time your period came while you were wearing white pants and getting your braces entwined with Steve Julius' and then your mom walked in on you.

I can't help it. That's just how I choose to feel. If you don't accept it, I suppose I'll start calling you discriminatory.

-Posted by Jilly

p.s. Having just watched "Top Chef Masters," I'm surprised to say that Zooey Deschanel seems to be a 7.7%er. Good for you, lady.