SCIENCE: "Woman Things" Commercials are Worse than Puberty

I'm not ashamed of any of my lady-parts or their functions. Yes, I have boobs, requiring bras of various strength. I do have a period once a month or so, for which feminine products are necessary. Being that this isn't 1902 and I have goals beyond breeding at this stage in my life, I protect myself from unwanted pregnancies via birth control.

These facts do not embarrass me. I can buy tampons, even condoms, without getting worked up. But watching a NuvaRing commercial, a Kotex leak-guard spot, or a touchy-feely Hanes Her Way Lifetime sobfest? It makes my skin crawl.

Why is a woman finding the right bra fit supposed to be a soaring-violin music, soft-voiced announcer special moment? Why do they still show commercials where they pour blue fake-pee onto what, at this point, I cannot help but see as a demeaning adult diaper? Who in god's name is responsible for every single ad that shows "just the gals, hangin' out, bein' CRAZY! together" and talking off-handedly about their birth control options. "I asked my doctor. Inserting NuvaRings was just that easy!"

I recently saw a weird circus-act commercial that was analogously all about soaking up gallons and gallons lady-blood. Now they've wrecked the parts of circuses I didn't already hate, too!

I get it - lady stuff is uncomfortable, especially for any of the men involved in the ad campaigns, but for christ's sake, must every single advertisement in this realm be cloyingly, teeth-gratingly, look-away-from-your-friends-and-parents uncomfortable? Is anyone really under the impression that this is a 50s era "you've become a woman" mental hygiene flick, or, alternately, a science film-reel that your wishing-he-was-retired health and development teacher has been showing since 1982?

People talk about how much a woman makes on a man's dollar, and sexual harassment in the workplace, and blah blah blah, but this is the true measure of our lack of equality: stand up for yourselves, women! And stop acting like we're chummy about Yaz!