SOCIAL STUDIES: MGD 64 Commercials are Worse than Puberty

I'm glad that scientists are using their valuable brains to remove calories from already sub-standard beer, I really am. What americans need these days is a way to feel both superior about their drinking, and in no way challenged by any interesting "flavors" or "quality" as they consume.

But let's be real for a minute. MGD 64 is NOT as good as full-calorie beer, or as a glass of decent wine, or as, god help me, a bacardi and coke.

Now there may be detractors who will say "why, I can hardly taste the difference between an MGD 64 and Miller High Life! What an innovation!" They might claim "I PREFER the flavor to that of a Bud, so gosh darn it, they've saved my waistline AND my tastebuds!" They might then say "Jilly, why are you so lazy that you can't implement italics when you want to emphasize a word, and instead resort to CAPITALIZING whenever you wish to draw focus!"

To them I say: drink a real beer, a non-boxed glass of wine, or a cocktail that requires ingredients not found in the average frat house.

Beer is not meant to be compared on a calories to crap scale. Sh*t, I would drink MGD 64 instead of other Miller products; comparatively, being more watered down, I have to taste less of a horrible product. But drink an entire bottle of this when I could have half a glass of GOOD wine? Not even a comparison. Why drink piss when you have the option of champagne? Not the champagne of beers, REAL champagne?


Sure, we Americans should watch our waistlines, but must we encourage 12 ounces of swill when we could have 3 ounces of, if not heaven, at least pleasantness? Would it kill advertisers to advocate excellence in moderation instead of mediocrity in great quantities?

Oh that's right, it would, as our economy is based on consuming forgettable disposables. And that's really put us in a great place, right? That's right, I'm comparing MGD 64 to economic collapse - can you really say I'm wrong?

-Posted by Jilly