SOCIAL STUDIES: Girls Who Actually Look Good in Rainboots are Worse than Puberty

It was a miserable Tuesday and Wednesday in Boston - blustery, cold, with a constant low-level mist/rain, occasionally kicking into high gear, such that at no point could you make a trip without your boots on and your umbrella at the ready.

Unless you don't mind the sensation of wet socks inside wet shoes - personally, I think that feeling is so deeply horrible that it doesn't even merit me writing a blog about how it's worse than the time Steve Julius spun the bottle on me and totally made a "gross" face to his friends.

So I'm clomping around like a Clydesdale who went out drinking a few days in a row, and is thus both tipsy and bloated, and regularly, maybe once per block, I see a girl who not only manages to rock her goofy plastic rainboot-walk in a way that would make Mama Tyra proud, she makes the things look like fashion. Like honestly, from a distance, I think "wow, I like that shape and how it goes up to the knee. Maybe i can find it at DSDub...oh god it's ANOTHER pair of hunter boots.

These are the same girls who, I assume, look better when they cry, and who only get wrinkles and fat deposits in such wonderfully strategic places that it makes them look more desirable (me = muffin top and pooch; these girls = even MORE tits!) and who make guys say STUPID things like "I love it when girls really eat" because they don't realize that, for most of us, stuffing Big Macs down our throats every day results in the kind of weight gain that I get, not a "cute" burp later and a bikini-ready bod.

I just take solace in the fact that, in the middle of a downpour, only obsessive women like me pay much attention to this sort of thing, anyway, right? RIGHT????

-Posted by Jilly