HOME EC/SHOP: The Confusion of Leggings with Real Pants is Worse than Puberty

I own a few pairs of leggings. They let me get away with scandalously short dresses (okay, what I consider scandalously short, so exactly four inches below my knees, measured with a ruler), are warmer than just tights, and sometimes give the illusion that I'm young enough not to remember the 80s, and therefore to take this trend at face value.

But leggings are NOT equal to pants.

I'm not saying they can't come close - I have no issue with the aforementioned too-short-for-censors dresses paired with leggings, or their close cousins, really-long-tops.

But I draw a line in the sand...or rather, under your butt cheek. This is the rule: the top must reach the bottom of your butt cheek for you to wear it with leggings.

Why create some seemingly arbitrary fashion mandate? Why not the equator of the butt, or the back of the knee, or six inches above the belly-button, so we can look totally sweet like in the Jane Fonda workout?

Because for most people, anything shorter looks ridiculous, unflattering, and...well, gross.

The butt is a funny thing, mainly because on most women it is the region most egregiously affected by the you-can-be-skinny-and-still-not-have-a-good-body conundrum. I've seen size 2s with saggy-dumper butts. The butt requires attention, slaving on ellipticals, and on top of that good genetics to ever deserve the spotlight.

Some people give the butt this devoted care, but most leggings-as-pants wearers are under 25, which means they're less likely, barring disorders, to feel the need to slavishly workout. Their bodies take care of themselves - a six-pack still induces only the mildest of hangovers, and a massive gorge at the Cheesecake Factory leaves them more than capable of fitting into their high-school jeans. Or maybe they gained 30 pounds their freshman first semester, but even then, they're probably wearing MORE leggings, not less.

This is one of those trends which, ten years from now, people will look back on and say "JESUS, what was I THINKING." You people look like you're wearing half a lycra bodysuit. Has anyone ever thought to themselves "god, I bet I'd look GREAT in a non-shapewear bodysuit?"

If you have, and you're right about it, I suppose I exempt you in theory. The problem is that when the Jessica Albas of the world wear this style in practice, a million girls who can't see clearly over their shoulder in a mirror just follow suit, blindly, guaranteeing that I, too, will be blind...since I'll be pouring acid in my eyes from all the dumpy asses I'll have to stare at.

-Posted by Jilly