MATH: Doing your own Taxes is Worse than Puberty

Remember the good old days, when you were somebody's tax write-off?

There are definitely things about the ages of 0 – 21 that I would rather not relive, even in memory, but the sweet bliss of not filing taxes is a womb into which I'd love to crawl again.

Seriously, the other night I spent a solid six hours in front of my computer typing in each book purchase, each meal or bar receipt that seemed logical, every single trip to the post office. I gave myself a headache trying to puzzle over various saved Chinatown bus stubs, over the bank slip from the money I withdrew for what will surely be the last trip I take abroad in at least another decade, over the term "asset depreciation." I literally burst a blood vessel in my eye from all the concentrating (I don't know what that says about me…probably nothing good…).

And for what? A couple hundred dollars back, which will cover my tax preparation software, and maybe two trips to the grocery store.

Now given, I bring it on myself by having these "freelance" jobs (read: kick in the guts come tax time), and it's much better than the trip I took to H&R Block last year, which ended in my owing about $1000 to the government, and another $250 to H&R Block (last year I made, oh, $19,000? This year it was under $16,000. How do I live? Another question for another many columns, no doubt). But still, for someone making so little money total, why does it have to be so hard? I'm just a lowly creative type, leave me my money and my brain! I'll need both for extracting myself from my absent-minded mishaps, my too-many bottles of wine, my attempts at self-promotion that will end in my attorney's fees.

Seriously, I'm considering marriage to an older, richer man simply so I won't have to deal with my own income anymore. Sure, the sex would be less than thrilling, and I might hate myself a little, but scrutinizing my life under the high-powered microscope that is preparing your own taxes leaves me feeling that way, already. At least in scenario one there's SOMEONE rich in the picture.

-Posted by Jilly