SCIENCE: Axe Commercials are Worse than Puberty

There are lots of commercials that are hard to watch, for various reasons (i'm looking at you, every single low-budget local which chooses to use poor computer animation or even poorer stop-motion figures in place of live actors, thinking this is somehow an improvement over that already dire situation. You know who you are).

Few are as horrible as those for Axe.

Not only do these commercials glorify douche-baggery, male promiscuity, and a really, really creepy guy made of chocolate that women bite, but they make me feel sexually inferior.

Okay - let's get specific. I just saw the Axe commercial where the woman smells her man coming out of the bathroom and, eyes dilating wildly, they wrestle and assumedly sex each other, perfect-bodiedly, until they collapse in a heap of Axe-induced post-coital-pleasure.

Now watching insanely attractive women and their insanely attractive men is always bad enough for the ol' self-worth, but this one manages to reach a new level, as it makes me not only feel inferior in regards to my physical looks, but on the level of my physical relationship.

I have a boyfriend. He's pretty okay by me, and I love him, and we're happy. Having dated for nearly three years, now, I can tell you this (without going into any details that horrify...) - that is not our sex life. Even when things were new and thus more frantically hormonal than they'll ever be again (oh, more tragedy...) that wasn't our sex life. I mean, wrestling each other mid-day all over your massive bedroom? Come ON. We'd all have to constantly sleep around with people we knew were half-crazy in order to keep up that level of intensity for...any time at all. Oh wait...that's what Axe is trying to sell.

So now I look like a cow AND I apparently have lame sex. And I've been taught these facts by a frat-boy's version of perfume.

-Posted by Jilly